Term 2
The work presented below are the revisions I have made for my term 2 writing samples. My writing has improved for this term in regards to the development of my theses statements and depth of my commentary. I focused on connecting my work to universal ideas and bringing my analysis of literature to broader themes in order to improve my writing. The revisions I have made for my term 2 writing samples are based on self-assessments and teacher-assessments.
6.) Unit 5 Progress Check: FRQ
Original
Feedback
Revisions
5.) Write Around #1
This is the first time our class practiced a "Write Around", a practice in which one student writes for a certain amount of time, then swaps papers with the person next to them. For this write around, my group and I wrote about the short story: "Everything that Rises Must Converge". I included revisions of the practice in the margins with pencil and suggested that in order to improve this writing, I include quotes and further develop my commentary. I also edited a few words and fixed a few sentences for my revisions.
4.) Lady with the Dog
Original
Feedback
Revisions
3.) Unit 4 Progress Check FRQ
Original
In "Clock Dance", by Anne Tyler, Tyler uses a shift in tone, physical characteristics, and descriptive imagery in order to portray Willa and Sonya's complex relationship; by doing so, Tyler establishes how contrasting personalities between two friends results in a deeper emotional connection within a relationship. At the beginning of his excerpt, Willa and Sonya were first distinguished from each other through their physical appearance: Willa having a "billow of yellow curls" with frizz and Sonya having smooth straight hair that "a comb could slide right through". This initial contrast between the two characters represents their stark differences in personality. Willa is described with frizzy blonde hair, which symbolizes her more wild nature, and Sonya with her straight smooth hair, to portray her reserved nature. During their candy bar sale, their personalities are once again showcased, Willa is portrayed as more outgoing, laughing during their sale, "she felt a little burp of laughter rising in her chest", and Sonya as more reserved, "Sonya broke into sputters and doubled in on herself while the woman stood looking at them". These physical characteristics used to describe the contrasting personalities of the two friends establish a reason why their friendship is able to work-- they are able to balance each other out. This balance shows depth within their friendship, while the two characters are different physically and emotionally, they are able to stay friends and relieve their anxiety during their candy bar sale by understanding and embracing their differences. A shift in tone is also described at the end of this excerpt when Willa and Sonya speak after their sale. After Sonya had left the woman's door, the narrator writes, "The weren't laughing anymore. Willa felt tired to the bone, and emptied and a little sad. And Sonya might have felt the same way". This shift in tone, to a comical and humorous scene beforehand, to a now empty, sad, and ashamed tone also establishes depth within their friendship. This shift in tone show how friendships are much more complex than what meets the eye, not every moment is happy an joyous. Though they have contrasting personalities, Willa and Sonya are able to understand each other and feel each other's disappointment about their situation. Willa feels bad about ruining the sale with her immature spout of laughter, and Sonya feels upset because of her inability to make the sale due to her shyness and sudden mind blank. The two characters have faults within their personalities that caused them to be unable to continue with their sale, and their deep connection and emotional understanding with each other helped them understand what the other was feeling. In her story, Tyler portrayed Willa and Sonya with different physical attributes and contrasting personalities through descriptive imagery in order to show how differences among friends allow them to connect more deeply with another on an emotional level.
Feedback
Revisions
In "Clock Dance", by Anne Tyler, Tyler uses a shift in tone, physical characteristics, and descriptive imagery in order to portray Willa and Sonya's complex relationship; by doing so, Tyler establishes how balance is required in a friendship in order for cooperation to occur. At the beginning of his excerpt, Willa and Sonya were first distinguished from each other through their physical appearance: Willa having a "billow of yellow curls" with frizz and Sonya having smooth straight hair that "a comb could slide right through". This initial contrast between the two characters represents their stark differences in personality. Willa is described with frizzy blonde hair, which symbolizes her more wild nature, and Sonya with her straight smooth hair, to portray her reserved nature. During their candy bar sale, their personalities are once again showcased, Willa is portrayed as more outgoing, laughing during their sale, "she felt a little burp of laughter rising in her chest", and Sonya as more reserved, "Sonya broke into sputters and doubled in on herself while the woman stood looking at them". These physical characteristics used to describe the contrasting personalities of the two friends establish a reason why their friendship is able to work-- they are able to balance each other out. This balance shows depth within their friendship, while the two characters are different physically and emotionally, they are able to stay friends and relieve their anxiety during their candy bar sale by understanding and embracing their differences. The effect of such balance highlights how their friendship is able to blossom and continue; their differences are the factors that are able to keep them together and close.
A shift in tone is also described at the end of this excerpt when Willa and Sonya speak after their sale. After Sonya had left the woman's door, the narrator writes, "The weren't laughing anymore. Willa felt tired to the bone, and emptied and a little sad. And Sonya might have felt the same way". This shift in tone, to a comical and humorous scene beforehand, to a now empty, sad, and ashamed tone also establishes depth within their friendship. This shift in tone show how friendships are much more complex than what meets the eye, not every moment is happy an joyous. Though they have contrasting personalities, Willa and Sonya are able to understand each other and feel each other's disappointment about their situation. Willa feels bad about ruining the sale with her immature spout of laughter, and Sonya feels upset because of her inability to make the sale due to her shyness and sudden mind blank. The significance of this depth speaks once again to balance in their relationship. While they have different and contrasting personalities, occasionally they get into fights. However, the fighting and issues within their relationship make their friendship more complex, explaining how contrast brings complexity and depth.
The two characters have faults within their personalities that caused them to be unable to continue with their sale, and their deep connection and emotional understanding with each other helped them understand what the other was feeling. In her story, Tyler portrayed Willa and Sonya with different physical attributes and contrasting personalities through descriptive imagery in order to show how differences among friends allow them to connect more deeply with another on an emotional level.
A shift in tone is also described at the end of this excerpt when Willa and Sonya speak after their sale. After Sonya had left the woman's door, the narrator writes, "The weren't laughing anymore. Willa felt tired to the bone, and emptied and a little sad. And Sonya might have felt the same way". This shift in tone, to a comical and humorous scene beforehand, to a now empty, sad, and ashamed tone also establishes depth within their friendship. This shift in tone show how friendships are much more complex than what meets the eye, not every moment is happy an joyous. Though they have contrasting personalities, Willa and Sonya are able to understand each other and feel each other's disappointment about their situation. Willa feels bad about ruining the sale with her immature spout of laughter, and Sonya feels upset because of her inability to make the sale due to her shyness and sudden mind blank. The significance of this depth speaks once again to balance in their relationship. While they have different and contrasting personalities, occasionally they get into fights. However, the fighting and issues within their relationship make their friendship more complex, explaining how contrast brings complexity and depth.
The two characters have faults within their personalities that caused them to be unable to continue with their sale, and their deep connection and emotional understanding with each other helped them understand what the other was feeling. In her story, Tyler portrayed Willa and Sonya with different physical attributes and contrasting personalities through descriptive imagery in order to show how differences among friends allow them to connect more deeply with another on an emotional level.
2.) Unit 3 Progress Check: FRQ
Original
In "Lucy: A Novel", Jamaica Kincaid uses rhetorical questions, metaphorical representation, and contrasting character descriptions to highlight the complex interactions between and Mariah and Lucy; by doing so, Kincaid explores how one's culture and childhood impacts a person's overall worldview. This excerpt begins with Mariah asking the question: "You have never seen spring, have you?" to Lucy. This question serves to highlight the dynamic between Lucy and Mariah in this excerpt with Mariah speaking to Lucy in a patronizing way, expecting her to not have a full understanding of the world since she has come from a different background. The rhetorical questions that appear throughout this novel, such as Mariah saying to Lucy "What a history you have" and Lucy responding with, "You are welcome to it if you like?", serve to differentiate the different personalities between Lucy and Mariah, each question having a tone that relates to the personality of the character. Mariah sees the world as a beautiful place, with "flowers bending in the breeze", and Lucy sees the world as a place of responsibility and hard work, evident when she says. "and when I fell down from exhaustion [the daffodils] piled on top of me, until I was buried deep underneath them and never seen again". The metaphorical symbolism daffodils serve in this novel represent how the world looks from different perspectives, yet is actually a constant place in both cases. Lucy comes from a background in which she had to memorize poems, work hard in school, and face the crushing responsibility of pleasing her peers and superiors. Mariah comes from a background in which she spent the summers at her lake house, and visited gardens and zoos in her free time. Mariah sees the world in a very positive light while Lucy sees the world in a very negative light. While the two live in the same world, their worldview is bent based off of the cultures from which they come. By describing the complex interactions between these two characters, Kincaid explores the affect culture can have on the values of a person.
Feedback
Revisions
In "Lucy: A Novel", Jamaica Kincaid uses rhetorical questions, metaphorical representation, and contrasting character descriptions to highlight the complex interactions between and Mariah and Lucy; by doing so, Kincaid explores how one's culture and childhood impacts a person's overall worldview. This excerpt begins with Mariah asking the question: "You have never seen spring, have you?" to Lucy. This question serves to highlight the dynamic between Lucy and Mariah in this excerpt with Mariah speaking to Lucy in a patronizing way, expecting her to not have a full understanding of the world since she has come from a different background. Mariah believes that since she comes from a more dignified and priviledges background, she automatically knows more than Lucy. The rhetorical questions that appear throughout this novel, such as Mariah saying to Lucy "What a history you have" and Lucy responding with, "You are welcome to it if you like?", serve to differentiate the different personalities between Lucy and Mariah, each question having a tone that relates to the personality of the character. Mariah sees the world as a beautiful place, with "flowers bending in the breeze", and Lucy sees the world as a place of responsibility and hard work, evident when she says. "and when I fell down from exhaustion [the daffodils] piled on top of me, until I was buried deep underneath them and never seen again". The metaphorical symbolism daffodils serve in this novel represent how the world looks from different perspectives, yet is actually a constant place in both cases. They live in the same world but have different perspectives based on their culture and past. Lucy comes from a background in which she had to memorize poems, work hard in school, and face the crushing responsibility of pleasing her peers and superiors. Mariah comes from a background in which she spent the summers at her lake house, and visited gardens and zoos in her free time. Mariah sees the world in a very positive light while Lucy sees the world in a very negative light. While the two live in the same world, their worldview is bent based off of the cultures from which they come. By describing the complex interactions between these two characters, Kincaid explores the affect culture can have on the perspective and values of different people.
Original
In the play "A Doll's House", the contrasting perspectives between Nora and Torvald about gender roles within a family creates a question of morality in the novel over whether individuality is more important than societal expectations. In the play, Nora is a woman who has spent her entire life isolated, being controlled by various male figures. She has never had the opportunity to pursue any outside interest and act based off of her own needs rather the needs of her family. Torvald, Nora's husband, believes that the role of a woman is to act as a wife and mother, and that women should spend their time tending to household needs. By the end of the novel, Nora finally breaks free from Torvald's protective shell around Nora, and she decides to leave her family in order to finally live for herself rather than others. This act is shocking, especially during this time period, because it was expected of a women to spend her time tending to her home and family. The contrasting perspectives between Nora and Torvald, Nora believing it is important to live as an individual who has distinctive opinions and values, and Torvald believing that family should always be placed before individualistic needs, poses a philosophical question in the novel: where should one's priorities be in life? The interactions between Torvald and Nora at the end of the play, with Nora finally standing up to herself, and Torvald acting shocked and in disbelief over Nora's actions, serves to create a question in which the audience is to create their own opinion about which is more important: themselves or their family. This shocking interaction between Nora and Torvald shows the effects of gender roles within a relationship, and how it can lead to the end of such relationship.
Feedback
Revisions
In the play "A Doll's House", the contrasting perspectives between Nora and Torvald about gender roles within a family creates a question of morality in the novel over whether individuality is more important than societal expectations. In the play, Nora is a woman who has spent her entire life isolated, being controlled by various male figures. She has never had the opportunity to pursue any outside interest and act based off of her own needs rather the needs of her family. Torvald, Nora's husband, believes that the role of a woman is to act as a wife and mother, and that women should spend their time tending to household needs. By the end of the novel, Nora finally breaks free from Torvald's protective shell around Nora, and she decides to leave her family in order to finally live for herself rather than others. This act is shocking, especially during this time period, because it was expected of a women to spend her time tending to her home and family. The contrasting perspectives between Nora and Torvald, Nora believing it is important to live as an individual who has distinctive opinions and values, and Torvald believing that family should always be placed before individualistic needs, poses a philosophical question in the novel: where should one's priorities be in life? The interactions between Torvald and Nora at the end of the play, with Nora finally standing up to herself, and Torvald acting shocked and in disbelief over Nora's actions, serves to create a question in which the audience is to create their own opinion about which is more important: themselves or their family. Such a question was controversial during the era in which it was posed due to the accepted idea of wives as passive and docile. "A Doll's house" was able to cause an audience to re-assess their moralities and eventually initiate a wave of feminism and female rights. This shocking interaction between Nora and Torvald shows the effects of gender roles within a relationship, and how it can lead to the end of such relationship.
1.) Unit 3 FRQ
Original
In Grendel, by John Gardner, Gardner includes Grendel's internal thoughts and emotions and relates them to human characteristics in order to manipulate the sequence of events in the story; by doing so, Gardner portrays Grendel as a sad, misunderstood creature, rather than a heartless monster. Grendel is a novel that focuses on the life of the monster, Grendel, and the sequence of events that leads him to massacre a large group of humans. In the original story, Beowulf, Grendel is known as a dangerous, evil being, however, this novel is written to challenge such interpretation. Gardner manipulates the story of Grendel to portray him as a being with the same thoughts and emotions that humans have. For example, at the beginning of the novel, Grendel spends his night in the forest, blabbering at the moon and describing what it feels like to live an isolated, lonely life. These universal ideas of isolation and loneliness connect to human characteristics and help the audience empathize with the painful emotions Grendel feels. In addition, when Grendel is looking on at the humans in the bar, talking amongst themselves, and he is shunned by the humans who see him, Gardner touches upon the universal idea of envy and companionship. Grendel desperately wants friends and others he can talk to, and by describing his internal heartache in a human-like way, Gardner is able to change the norm of how the character is traditionally perceived. By manipulating the sequence of events to include the painstaking emotions and internal dialogue of Grendel, Gardner is able to change how the audience perceives and interprets his character in a more empathetic, relatable way.
Feedback
This is another example of work in which I did not receive teacher feedback; the following commentary is based on my own self-assessment. In order to improve this FRQ, I believe I should have developed my thesis statement more to match the commentary I wrote later on in my writing. In my analysis, I commented on the universal themes of isolation and loneliness, and I believe the overall structure of my work would have been much clearer if I included more details in my thesis statement.
Revisions
In Grendel, by John Gardner, Gardner compares Grendel to humans in order to manipulate the sequence of events in the story; by doing so, Gardner portrays Grendel as a sad, misunderstood creature to show how isolation and loneliness can lead to monstrous, destructive behavior. Grendel is a novel that focuses on the life of the monster, Grendel, and the sequence of events that leads him to massacre a large group of humans. In the original story, Beowulf, Grendel is known as a dangerous, evil being, however, this novel is written to challenge such interpretation. Gardner manipulates the story of Grendel to portray him as a being with the same thoughts and emotions that humans have. For example, at the beginning of the novel, Grendel spends his night in the forest, blabbering at the moon and describing what it feels like to live an isolated, lonely life. Gardner personifies Grendel to portray him as a creature with emotions and pain in order to highlight the affects of isolation and depression. In addition, when Grendel is looking on at the humans in the bar, talking among themselves, and he is shunned by the humans who see him, Gardner touches upon the universal ideas of envy and companionship. Grendel desperately wants friends and others he can talk to, and by describing his internal heartache in a human-like way, Gardner is able to change the norm of how the character is traditionally perceived. By manipulating the sequence of events to include the painstaking emotions and internal dialogue of Grendel, Gardner is able to change how the audience perceives and interprets his character in a more empathetic way. Doing so helps the audience understand the motivations behind his violent actions in the story, and hopefully think before they behave in a hurtful way.
Original
In Brighton Beach Memoirs, by Neil Simon, Simon uses deep emotional descriptions and the parallelism of ideas in order to inform the reader of Nora's complex motivation: to fill the void in her heart of her dead father by pursuing a career in acting. In the excerpt, Nora is seen crying in her bed, scorning how her life is controlled by her Uncle Jack. She feels lost and needs a form of guidance, and says, "Oh, God, I wish Daddy were alive". By doing so, Simon describes Nora's motivation in an emotional, painful way in order to help the reader to relate to her character through the universal ideas of death and loss. Simon also informs the readers of her complex motivations by comparing life before and after his death as a void through the pocket memory. Before he had died, his pockets were filled with candy, presents, and the feeling of "fullness," though after he had died, his pockets were empty, and so was the void in Nora's heart. The parallelism between these two descriptions helps the audience understand Nora's complex motivation to become an actress. In addition, Nora's father is described as having "movie-star qualities," thus the reason Nora would want to become an actress is to fill the void in her heart that her father had once filled. She feels as though the only way she can connect to and remember her father is to act and have the same qualities he once had, and since her Uncle Jack is preventing her to do so, she feels isolated within her home and anger toward her uncle. While Nora is young and normally one would agree that she should not go and run off to be an actress, Simon is able to inform the audience of her complex motivations to fill the void in her heart by comparing life before and after her father's death in a very emotional way.
Feedback
While I did not receive teacher feedback for this FRQ, I believe that in order to improve my work I should stay focused on the idea presented in the thesis statement more. My ideas become a little jumbled and I go off on a tangent a bit by the end of the paragraph, and in order to improve, focusing my ideas back to my main point of my writing would help with its clarity and depth.
Revisions
In Brighton Beach Memoirs, by Neil Simon, Simon uses deep emotional descriptions and the parallelism of ideas in order to inform the reader of Nora's complex motivation: to fill the void in her heart of her dead father by pursuing a career in acting. In the excerpt, Nora is seen crying in her bed, scorning how her life is controlled by her Uncle Jack. She feels lost and needs a form of guidance, and says, "Oh, God, I wish Daddy were alive". By doing so, Simon describes Nora's motivation in an emotional, painful way in order to help the reader to relate to her character through the universal ideas of death and loss. Nora misses her father who had a great impact in her life and served as a guide for Nora while he was alive, and his death led to a void in her heart which she felt the need to fill. Simon also informs the readers of her complex motivations by comparing life before and after his death as a void through the pocket memory. Before he had died, his pockets were filled with candy, presents, and the feeling of "fullness," though after he had died, his pockets were empty, and so was the void in Nora's heart. The parallelism between these two descriptions helps the audience understand Nora's complex motivation to become an actress. In order to cope with her loss, she decided to become an actress as a way to connect with her father in the afterlife. In addition, Nora's father is described as having "movie-star qualities," thus the reason Nora would want to become an actress is to fill the void in her heart that her father had once filled. She feels as though the only way she can connect to and remember her father is to act and have the same qualities he once had, and since her Uncle Jack is preventing her to do so, she feels isolated within her home and anger toward her uncle. Nora is a young girl whose Uncle is trying to protect her, however, the pain from her father's death and her need to connect with a strong role model in her life motivates her to become an actress. This motivation speaks to the strength death, loss, and emotions play in major life decisions.
Term 1
This section of my portfolio shows the revisions I have made to my writing with feedback I have received from my peers and teacher. While most of these assignments are from College Board, I have also included the writing samples completed in class as "timed writing" assessments. With these revisions, I hope to learn my strengths and weaknesses within my writing skills in order to improve my work for the future.
8.) Dreamwood
Original
Feedback/Revisions
The feedback I received writing assignment was in the form of an "Assessment Sheet Rubric". The teacher marked my thesis and evidence as "notably strong", however, my sophistication as a "priority for improvement". In order to improve my work, I need to write my work in a mature way, and extend the thesis statement to connect to a universal idea. I included my revisions for this work at the bottom of the second picture in the green pen.
7.) The Lives of the Heart
Original
Feedback
Revisions
For this in class timed writing, I received my feedback on a website called "Peergrade". The feedback I received from my classmates state that I need to elaborate more on the structure of the poem in relation to the meaning of the poem. In order to improve my work, I included revisions at the bottom of the page in green pen.
6.) Hawk Roosting
Original
Feedback/Revisions
This writing sample is written about the poem, "Hawk Roosting", which I have provided annotations for in the "annotations" section of my portfolio. In this writing sample, I received peer-editing that says my explanation of the "physical laws" was not clear enough, and i should expand on the idea in order to support my thesis statement. At the bottom of my page, I included the revision of my work, since I did not have space to provide the revisions within my actual paragraph. To summarize the revisions I included, I said that in order to expand on the idea of "Physical laws" I should relate hawks to humans within society, who have to follow "laws" enforced by the government. Compared to humans, hawks do not have to follow such laws and restrictions, and are thus truly free beings.
5.) Unit 2 Progress Check FRQs
Original- Relations
In "Relations," by Mayli Vang, Vang contrasts herself from her siblings, and contrasts her mother from her father in order to depict how societal gender roles negatively impact the structure of one's family. Vang begins the poem by recalling memories of her father, who had died when she was five, and describes him as, "a black-and-white wallet-size picture", which emphasizes his lack of a role within their lives. Conventionally, fathers are known to be the head of a family, and the effects of the absence of a strong male-figure trickles down to impact the rest of the family. Her mother, for example, is shown, "sewing her life into cloth, too fearful to confront the world". Compared to her father, who is free, "in a land foreign to [her] imagination," her mother is the complete opposite, and is victim to the effects of being a widowed house-wife. She is trapped, continuously sewing herself deeper and deeper into a world of isolation and "friendship patches." Vang then compares herself to her sister, who is "the perfect daughter". Her sister prepares dinner and acts as the perfect daughter in terms of gender roles, cleaning the kitchen and taking care of the family, in comparison to herself, who much like her mother, feels trapped and shut-in to her books and her room. Vang has dreams and is still young, yet, the according to the structure of societal gender roles, she must stay in her house and clean, unable to pursue anything in the outside world. Vang's brother is described as troubled, stealing food from stores and getting caught by police. Compared to his sisters, who are trapped inside, the brother is able to go outside, however, the absence of a father to guide him and teach him leads to a life of trouble. The contrast between these various family members all lead back to the absence of a father, mentioned at the beginning of the poem, and the negative impact his absence has had on the family depicts how gender roles can destroy the entire structure and lives of a family.
Feedback- Relations
The task for the FRQ, "Relations" was to make a defensible claim regarding how Vang uses contrast to convey the complex relationships among the members of the speaker's family. I did not receive any feedback from my teacher about this FRQ, but I believe I could improve this work by further explaining the negative role gender roles plays in a family rather than focusing so much on the effects of a lack of a father figure.
Revisions- Relations
In "Relations," by Mayli Vang, Vang contrasts herself from her siblings, and contrasts her mother from her father in order to depict how societal gender roles negatively impact the structure of one's family. Vang begins the poem by recalling memories of her father, who had died when she was five, and describes him as, "a black-and-white wallet-size picture", which emphasizes his lack of a role within their lives. Conventionally, fathers are known to be the head of a family, and the effects of the absence of a strong male-figure trickles down to impact the rest of the family. Since gender roles are have a such a heavy focus within her family, the absence of a head figure significantly impact the rest of the family. With this work, Vang enforces that without gender roles playing such a strong part in a family, and having the mother be in charge, for example, then the structure of a family would be much more solid and able to function. Her mother, for example, is shown, "sewing her life into cloth, too fearful to confront the world". Compared to her father, who is free, "in a land foreign to [her] imagination," her mother is the complete opposite, and is victim to the effects of being a widowed house-wife. She is trapped, continuously sewing herself deeper and deeper into a world of isolation and "friendship patches." Vang then compares herself to her sister, who is "the perfect daughter". Her sister prepares dinner and acts as the perfect daughter in terms of gender roles, cleaning the kitchen and taking care of the family, in comparison to herself, who much like her mother, feels trapped and shut-in to her books and her room. Vang has dreams and is still young, yet, the according to the structure of societal gender roles, she must stay in her house and clean, unable to pursue anything in the outside world. In this case, the negative role gender has on her family is entrapment: female figures are expected to stay inside and take care of the house, not allowed to venture out into the real world to pursue their passions and dreams. Vang is trying to emphasize that gender roles cause people to live in an isolated world, and forces female figure's dreams down. Vang's brother is described as troubled, stealing food from stores and getting caught by police. Compared to his sisters, who are trapped inside, the brother is able to go outside, however, the absence of a father to guide him and teach him leads to a life of trouble. In this case, if gender roles had not played such a significant part in his family's life, then his mother would have been able to step up and take charge in controlling the family, helping the son control his rebellion and violent nature. The contrast between these various family members all lead back to the absence of a father, mentioned at the beginning of the poem, and the negative impact his absence has had on the family depicts how gender roles can destroy the entire structure and lives of a family.
Original- Double Dutch
In "Double Dutch," by Gregory Pardlo, Pardlo uses simile and metaphor to convey how children are able to turn simple games into a great, imaginative acts in order to show how creativity can completely change a simple situation. Children are known to be exceptionally creative in comparison to adults, and often get enthralled in little games. In "Double Dutch," the two girls "weave like boxers pulling punches...training for a lunar mission," while jumping rope. By using similes, the author describes this act as more than just jump-roping, but as something much bigger and more complex in the children's eyes. Although they are really only jump-roping, it seems as fun to them as boxing and training for a space-escapade. As the girl jumps, "She makes jewelry of herself a and garlands the ground with shadows," and "Rouses the gods". Here, Pardlo uses metaphors to describe the girl jumping in almost a godly, powerful sense. By doing so, he is emphasizing the power of imagination. Pardlo describes the ability to turn a simple act into something much more complex as a powerful tool, and that children are powerful and wise, in a sense, since they are often able to do so. Pardlo's message with this poem is that by looking at a problem or situation through a child's eye, one might be able to see it differently and solve the problem.
Feedback- Double Dutch
The prompt for this writing assignment was to make a defensible claim regarding how Pardlo uses simile and metaphor to convey a complex image of the girls in the poem. The feedback I received from the teacher about this poem is stated as followed: "An AP reader would have to cap the C+E part of this assessment at a 2/4, even given a full response, due to the misreading apparent in the claim and reinforced in the commentary. We are not certain that the speaker of the poem is a child, and the attribution of the varying descriptions of the subjects of the poem to the imagination of a child isn't defensible." In order to improve my work, I need to rework my thesis statement in order to not include my misreading and extend my commentary to be more general.
Revisions- Double Dutch
In "Double Dutch," by Gregory Pardlo, Pardlo uses simile and metaphor to convey how looking at a simple problem from a different perspective is a powerful tool when searching for solutions. Turning a simple action, like a game of double-durch, and viewing it in a more imaginative sense has the power to open up the mind to more complex scenes . In "Double Dutch," the two girls "weave like boxers pulling punches...training for a lunar mission," while jumping rope. By using similes, the author describes this act as more than just jump-roping, but as something much bigger and more complex in the children's eyes. Although they are really only jump-roping, it seems as fun to them as boxing and training for a space-escapade. As the girl jumps, "She makes jewelry of herself a and garlands the ground with shadows," and "Rouses the gods". Here, Pardlo uses metaphors to describe the girl jumping in almost a godly, powerful sense. By doing so, he is emphasizing the power of imagination. Pardlo describes the ability to turn a simple act into something much more complex as a powerful tool, and that children are powerful and wise, in a sense, since they are often able to do so. Pardlo's message with this poem is that by looking at a problem or situation through a different state of mine, one might be able to see it differently and solve the problem.
4.) Unit 2 FRQs
Original- Sunday Morning
In Louis MacNiece’s poem, “Sunday Morning,” MacNiece utilizes lighthearted motion in his word choice with a negative tonal shift in his last stanza to convey the message that the freedom associated with Sunday Mornings come to an inevitable end. MacNiece begins the poem by describing the typical activities that occur on Sunday morning: someone practicing scales on their instrument, and a man tinkering with his car. These two activities are filled with motion in their description, “the notes like little fishes vanish...Man’s heart expands...grow to music or drive beyond HindHead...”. However by the end of the poem, as Sunday Morning comes to an end, the tone changes and includes words with heavy negative connotations: “skulls’ mouths which will not tire...which deadens and endures.” By describing the typical activities of Sunday morning with motion and ending the poem with a negative tone, MacNiece conveys the message that one cannot get too lost in their hobbies because Sunday eventually comes to an end. Sunday morning is a time in which people can spend their time doing what they love, such as playing music or tinkering with a car. As one spends time doing what they love, they tend to almost lose track of time, and MacNiece conveys this feeling by describing these hobbies with motion. However, he emphasizes to “regard these means as ends,” because there is no “escape from weekday time,” meaning that eventually, reality comes back into play, and people cannot get too caught up in their dreams.
Feedback- Sunday Morning
The prompt for this Unit 2 FRQ was to write a paragraph in which you make a claim regarding how MacNeice uses poetic elements and techniques to convey a complex understanding of the significance of Sunday Morning. The feedback I received from my teacher was: "A very interesting take on the technique of motion...I recommend saying a 'motif of motion' or the use of 'motion as a metaphor'. Since this was mostly positive feedback, I decided to reread my FRQ and make my own corrections. In order to improve my work, I believe I should expand upon how motion affects the work as a whole and connect it back to my thesis more clearly.
Revisions- Sunday Morning
In Louis MacNiece’s poem, “Sunday Morning,” MacNiece utilizes lighthearted motion in his word choice with a negative tonal shift in his last stanza to convey the message that the freedom associated with Sunday Mornings come to an inevitable end. MacNiece begins the poem by describing the typical activities that occur on Sunday morning: someone practicing scales on their instrument, and a man tinkering with his car. These two activities are filled with motion in their description, “the notes like little fishes vanish...Man’s heart expands...grow to music or drive beyond HindHead...”. However by the end of the poem, as Sunday Morning comes to an end, the tone changes and includes words with heavy negative connotations: “skulls’ mouths which will not tire...which deadens and endures.” By describing the typical activities of Sunday morning with motion and ending the poem with a negative tone, MacNiece conveys the message that one cannot get too lost in their hobbies because Sunday eventually comes to an end. Sunday morning is a time in which people can spend their time doing what they love, such as playing music or tinkering with a car. As one spends time doing what they love, they tend to almost lose track of time, and MacNiece conveys this feeling by describing these hobbies with motion. Motion conveys a sense of passing time, and forward movement. In this poem, the author uses this motif of motion to represent time passing by quickly as people spend time doing what they want. The freedom associated with one's hobbies eventually comes to an end, which is what MacNeice hoped to convey with his metaphor of "Sunday Mornings".However, he emphasizes to “regard these means as ends,” because there is no “escape from weekday time,” meaning that eventually, reality comes back into play, and people cannot get too caught up in their dreams. Everyday people have jobs and responsibilities they must return to at the start of a new week, meaning they cannot get too focused on their dreams or hobbies because life needs highs and lows in order to move forward.
Original- Spring and All
“Spring and All,” is a poem by William Carlos Williams that describes spring as an awakening force that revitalizes the death that winter brings. Williams uses personification and a negative to positive tonal shift between stanzas in order to compare the approach of spring to the positive impact children can have on the world. William describes the end winter in a very negative sense, calling it, “the waste of broad, muddy fields, brown with dried weeds”. However the tone of the poem shifts when spring approaches, and rather a description of a lifeless world, William instead focuses on themes of life and awakening: ”they enter the new world naked, cold...they grip down and begin to awaken”. He introduces spring almost as a person, rather than a season by saying that it’s “naked” and “awakening”, personifying it. By using this shift, William conveys that spring can bring about new life and awaken the world in a positive way, and by personifying the season, he sends the message that humans are the same: new generations can change the future and solve problems that were created in the past.
Feedback- Spring and All
The task for this FRQ was to write a paragraph in which i make a defensible claim about how William Carlos Williams uses poetic elements and techniques to convey the speaker's complex perspective on the approach of spring. While I did not receive any feedback from the teacher on this FRQ, I received a 1/2 on the commentary-- I believe the reason for this grade was because I did not have enough time to fully analyze the poem and provide evidence to support my thesis. In order to improve my work, I believe that I need to include more commentary on how the tonal shift in the poem stanzas affects the work as a whole and the role personification plays in my thesis.
Revisions- Spring and All
“Spring and All,” is a poem by William Carlos Williams that describes spring as an awakening force that revitalizes the death that winter brings; Williams uses personification and a negative to positive tonal shift between stanzas in order to compare the approach of spring to the positive impact children can have on the world. William describes the end winter in a very negative sense, calling it, “the waste of broad, muddy fields, brown with dried weeds”. However the tone of the poem shifts when spring approaches, and rather a description of a lifeless world, William instead focuses on themes of life and awakening: ”they enter the new world naked, cold...they grip down and begin to awaken”. By introducing the positive vibe spring brings to the world, he uses this as a metaphor to the positivity children also bring into the world. As spring is a "rebirth" and a new generation, children act in the same way, and introduce new ideas and new characters into the world, as a positive new force. He introduces spring almost as a person, rather than a season by saying that it’s “naked” and “awakening”, personifying it. By using this shift, William conveys that spring can bring about new life and awaken the world in a positive way, and by personifying the season, he sends the message that humans are the same: new generations can change the future and solve problems that were created in the past. Williams uses poetic techniques, such as personification and tonal shift, in order to convey his message that the world acts in unity: from its changing seasons and changing generations of people, waves of change is capable of producing positive change.
3.) Unit 1 Progress Check
Original- Hitting Trees with Sticks
In "Hitting Trees with Sticks," by Jane Rogers, Rogers expresses Cecilia's complex perspective by limiting the reader to Cecilia's thoughts, feelings, and knowledge only, which she accomplishes by writing from first-person point of view. As Cecilia walks home from her outing, she passes by children hitting a tree with a stick, which prompts her to feel, "[an] indignant fury...like a shot of cognac". She feel as though the children are disrespecting nature, and equates their actions to feeding a dead animal of one species to the same species. Although she feels this fury and sudden burst of anger, her though process ends with "But maybe I am missing something", and the next paragraph discusses a new topic. The intro to this excerpt is an example of one of Cecilia's complex, swirling, and spontaneous thought processes, which reappears several times through the excerpt, and sets the stage for the basis of Cecilia's character. By writing from first-person perspective, Roger's is able to offer the readers insight to the inside of Cecilia's mind, which not only helps the readers understand Cecilia, but also helps relate the reader to the character. As the story continues, Cecilia hears her doorbell ring, which she discovers is an employee from Meals on Wheels delivering her her meal. Cecilia believes that the employee has made a mistake, though the employee responds by saying, "Give your Natalie a ring. She'll remind you". Writing from Cecilia's point of view allows the reader to feel the same puzzlement and confusion the main character most likely suffers from. Several times throughout the excerpt, Cecilia is faced with confusing thoughts: from the children hitting the tree with a stick, to the "misplaced" set of keys in her bag, and finally the Meals on Wheels employee. Limiting the perspective of other characters narrows what the reader can feel and think about Cecilia's situation, and forces the reader to only focus on Cecilia's thoughts. The end of the excerpt suggests that Cecilia might suffer from a memory loss issue, or possibly Alzheimer's, as the Meals on Wheel's employee tells her to "give your Natalie a ring." Rogers is able to offer the readers a glimpse of Cecilia's world by writing from first-person point of view since the readers are unable to for biases from the thoughts of other characters
Feedback- Hitting Trees with Sticks
The feedback I received for this assignment was that I needed to explain the complexity of the perspective itself, not just the complexity of the technique. In my writing, I explained the effects of first person perspective rather than explain the complexity of the perspective-- thus I did not accurately answer the prompt question. In order to revise my work, I need to extend my thesis statement and evidence to further describe how to complexity of the written perspective contributes to the work as a whole.
Revisions- Hitting Trees with Sticks
In "Hitting Trees with Sticks," by Jane Rogers, Rogers expresses Cecilia's complex perspective by limiting the reader to Cecilia's thoughts, feelings, and knowledge only, which she accomplishes by writing from first-person point of view. By doing so, Rogers uses first-person perspective to establish Cecilia's perspective as a woman with a hazy, confused memory. As Cecilia walks home from her outing, she passes by children hitting a tree with a stick, which prompts her to feel, "[an] indignant fury...like a shot of cognac". She feel as though the children are disrespecting nature, and equates their actions to feeding a dead animal of one species to the same species. Although she feels this fury and sudden burst of anger, her though process ends with "But maybe I am missing something", and the next paragraph discusses a new topic. The intro to this excerpt is an example of one of Cecilia's complex, swirling, and spontaneous thought processes, which reappears several times through the excerpt, and sets the stage for the basis of Cecilia's character. By writing from first-person perspective, Roger's is able to offer the readers insight to the inside of Cecilia's mind, which not only helps the readers understand Cecilia, but also helps relate the reader to the character. As a reader, it is hard to understand Cecilia's point of view as an old woman who has trouble discerning her surroundings, however, the author accomplishes this by giving the reader insight into Cecilia's life utilizing point-of-view. As the story continues, Cecilia hears her doorbell ring, which she discovers is an employee from Meals on Wheels delivering her her meal. Cecilia believes that the employee has made a mistake, though the employee responds by saying, "Give your Natalie a ring. She'll remind you". Writing from Cecilia's point of view allows the reader to feel the same puzzlement and confusion the main character most likely suffers from. Several times throughout the excerpt, Cecilia is faced with confusing thoughts: from the children hitting the tree with a stick, to the "misplaced" set of keys in her bag, and finally the Meals on Wheels employee. Limiting the perspective of other characters narrows what the reader can feel and think about Cecilia's situation, and forces the reader to only focus on Cecilia's thoughts. The end of the excerpt suggests that Cecilia might suffer from a memory loss issue, or possibly Alzheimer's, as the Meals on Wheel's employee tells her to "give your Natalie a ring." Rogers is able to offer the readers a glimpse of Cecilia's world by writing from first-person point of view in order to establish Cecilia's perspective as someone who is aging and slowly losing awareness of her thoughts and surroundings.
Original- Elsewhere
In Stephanie McClure's, "Elsewhere", McClure uses descriptive imagery and emotional language to establish a setting to help convey Zita's complex perspective. The excerpt begins by a description of Zita's surrounding. McClure invokes the reader's sense of smell by describing the "aroma of breakfast," and creates a picturesque setting of a typical morning in order to help the reader insert him or herself into the story. By utilizing multiple senses and relating the reader to the story through descriptive language, McClure establishes a connection between Zita and the reader. As the excerpt continues, Zita sneaks out behind her porch and moves over to her thinking spot where she notices, "Cool air..inhales the scent of hay, ripening fields, and decaying leaves". McClure uses descriptive imagery from Zita's perspective in order to help readers put themselves into Zita's situation, and make the setting seem as life-like and realistic as possible. Toward the end of the excerpt, Zita has an emotional conversation with her father, "Papa smiles, expecting the statement to reflect her dreams...offering the gift of uncontional love to her father, a man afflicted by the cruel reality of brokenness." Here, McClure utilizes emotional language in order for the readers to understand and relate to Zita's perspective. By referring to her father as "Papa," the writing becomes more personal, putting the...
Feedback- Elsewhere
The prompt for this writing assignment was to make a defensible claim regarding how McClure uses literary elements to establish a setting that helps convey Zita's complex perspective. The feedback I received for the FRQ was that my writing did not align to the task of the prompt: I focused on the impact of the perspective rather than how it is complex. In order to revise my writing, I need to change my thesis statement and commentary to better align with the prompt task.
Revisions- Elsewhere
In Stephanie McClure's, "Elsewhere", McClure uses descriptive imagery and emotional language to establish a setting to help convey Zita's complex perspective. Zita's perspective is complex because she is the sibling of a family member who has died and is a young child who has been forced to experience such trauma. The excerpt begins by a description of Zita's surrounding. McClure invokes the reader's sense of smell by describing the "aroma of breakfast," and creates a picturesque setting of a typical morning in order to help the reader insert him or herself into the story. By utilizing multiple senses and relating the reader to the story through descriptive language, McClure establishes a connection between Zita and the reader. As the excerpt continues, Zita sneaks out behind her porch and moves over to her thinking spot where she notices, "Cool air..inhales the scent of hay, ripening fields, and decaying leaves". McClure uses descriptive imagery from Zita's perspective in order to help readers put themselves into Zita's situation, and make the setting seem as life-like and realistic as possible. Toward the end of the excerpt, Zita has an emotional conversation with her father, "Papa smiles, expecting the statement to reflect her dreams...offering the gift of uncontional love to her father, a man afflicted by the cruel reality of brokenness." Here, McClure utilizes emotional language in order for the readers to understand and relate to Zita's perspective. By referring to her father as "Papa," the writing becomes more personal, putting the...By using imagery and emotional language, McClure establishes a setting that has a dream-like state of reality. By doing so, she makes the subject of this excerpt seem fake, almost as if the main character has a hard time processing this traumatic event, thus establishing Zita's complex perspective as a child who has a hard time processing a dramatic and emotional event in her life.
2.) Gilead
Original
In Gilead, Marilynne Robinson uses abrupt sentence structure and descriptive imagery in order to convey the significance of the setting for the father and son. The sentence structure in this excerpt contains very short and abrupt sentences, often containing dashes. For example, when describing the food the father and son trade with the old woman, the author writes, “‘We traded her for some of our miserable jerky— I’ve never been able to stand the sight of it since—...’”. By including dashes, the author conveys a sense of blatantness in their situation: their life has been tough and miserable, and no amount of description would be able to adequately tell their story. Using short sentences structures the writing in a list— one thing happens after another. By using this technique, Robinson creates the feeling that the father and son don’t know what to expect next, that they are living their life one day at a time, one thing after another. Using short sentences makes the significance of their setting lifeless, and is able to not only describe their situation, but give the reading an idea of what the characters are feeling. Robinson also uses descriptive images in order to describe the significance of their setting. As the three characters walk past the cemetery, Robinson describes what they see as they pass by: “The two or three headstones in it had fallen over and it was all grown up with weeds and grass”. The graveyard itself acts as a metaphor for their situation— that everything around them has died long ago and is being overtaken by the natural world. Including the detail of the graveyard makes the setting seem dead and bleak and is able to show how drastically the drought in Kansas has effected their life. Robinson is able to employ a descriptive setting by using such literary techniques, and is able to make their life seem urgent with the setting.
Feedback
The feedback I received on this writing was that I need to better distinguish perspective from setting. In this paragraph, I used the first sentence to portray the narrator's point of view of his circumstances and did not fully describe how his syntax informs the reader of his perspective. In order to improve my writing, I need to go into more detail explaining how the rhetorical strategies used in this poem relate to the setting.
Revisions
In Gilead, Marilynne Robinson uses abrupt sentence structure and descriptive imagery in order to convey the setting as a metaphor for the life of the grandfather while the father and son explore the graveyard. The sentence structure in this excerpt contains very short and abrupt sentences, often containing dashes. For example, when describing the food the father and son trade with the old woman, the author writes, “‘We traded her for some of our miserable jerky— I’ve never been able to stand the sight of it since—...’”. By including dashes, the author conveys a sense of blatantness in their situation: their life has been tough and miserable, and no amount of description would be able to adequately tell their story. Using short sentences structures the writing in a list— one thing happens after another. By using this technique, Robinson creates the feeling that the father and son don’t know what to expect next, that they are living their life one day at a time, one thing after another. In the story, while waking around the graveyard looking for their relative's grave, the author uses such technique to describe the world around them and the place at which the grandfather was buried. By doing so, the author is subtly showing how the grandfather used to live, what he was like when he died, and describing his overall character using this complex technique.Using short sentences makes the significance of their setting lifeless, and is able to not only describe their situation, but give the reading an idea of what the characters are feeling. Robinson also uses descriptive images in order to describe the significance of their setting. As the three characters walk past the cemetery, Robinson describes what they see as they pass by: “The two or three headstones in it had fallen over and it was all grown up with weeds and grass”. The graveyard itself acts as a metaphor for their situation— that everything around them has died long ago and is being overtaken by the natural world. Including the detail of the graveyard makes the setting seem dead and bleak and is able to show how drastically the drought in Kansas has effected their life. Robinson is able to employ a descriptive setting by using such literary techniques, and is able to further extend into the life of a character by using rhetorical strategies when describing the setting.
1.) Claire of The Sea of Life
Original
In Edwidge Danticat’s, “Claire of the Sea of Life,” Danticat uses descriptive imagery and a shift in height between settings to describe the newfound feelings of freedom Claire discovers as she runs away from home. At the beginning of the excerpt, Claire is living in her shack at the beach with her father and Madam Gaëlle, and she feels as though “she had been kicked out, like her home was no longer hers”. This prompts Claire to run away up Anthére Hill, where Danticat parallels the change in setting to a change in Claire’s mood. The descriptive imagery Danticat uses as Claire runs up the hill represent trials she faces in her journey, almost as if it is a quest. As she runs away from the beach, “her sandals became entangled in some ylang-yang creepers that bordered the trail where sandstones turned to hill gravel”. the author uses this descriptive imagery not only to describe the setting, but as a way to metaphorically describe Claire’s feelings of conflict between her life at the beach and her possible future up the hill. After Claire makes it to the top of the hill, the setting is described in a magical, almost mystical way, with “the white-clad, ghostlike silhouettes”. Here, the setting is used to depict the sense of bewilderment and excitement Claire feels in contrast to the feelings she had on the beach with her father and Madam Gaëlle. From Feelings of conflict, and fear on the mountain, to the mystical bewilderment she feels at the end of the excerpt, Danticat uses the setting to convey Claire’s range of emotioms and feelings of her change in life,
Feedback
While I did not receive formal feedback from my teacher in this writing assignment, while reviewing my work, I believe I could have extended my thesis statement to include a universal idea to make my writing more complex and mature. In addition, I believe I could have gone into more detail regarding the symbolism mountains play in literature in order to better my analysis of the work.
Revisions
In Edwidge Danticat’s, “Claire of the Sea of Life,” Danticat uses descriptive imagery and a shift in height between settings to describe the newfound feelings of freedom Claire discovers as she runs away from home; by doing so, Danticat investigates how isolation can instigate a rebellious spirit. At the beginning of the excerpt, Claire is living in her shack at the beach with her father and Madam Gaëlle, and she feels as though “she had been kicked out, like her home was no longer hers”. This prompts Claire to run away up Anthére Hill, where Danticat parallels the change in setting to a change in Claire’s mood. The descriptive imagery Danticat uses as Claire runs up the hill represent trials she faces in her journey, almost as if it is a quest. As she runs away from the beach, “her sandals became entangled in some ylang-yang creepers that bordered the trail where sandstones turned to hill gravel”. the author uses this descriptive imagery not only to describe the setting, but as a way to metaphorically describe Claire’s feelings of conflict between her life at the beach and her possible future up the hill. After Claire makes it to the top of the hill, the setting is described in a magical, almost mystical way, with “the white-clad, ghostlike silhouettes”. The symbolism of mountains within literature is almost religious in a sense because typically the close one is to they sky, the closer one is to God. In the context of this poem, after Claire runs away, she escapes the isolation of her family and discovers herself in an almost religious awakening, during her trek up the mountain. Here, the setting is used to depict the sense of bewilderment and excitement Claire feels in contrast to the feelings she had on the beach with her father and Madam Gaëlle. From Feelings of conflict, and fear on the mountain, to the mystical bewilderment she feels at the end of the excerpt, Danticat uses the setting to convey Claire’s range of emotioms and feelings of her change in life, in order to emphasize how one's living environment affects one's character.